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I am a social person, but I’m terrified of the landscape.

It takes a big person to want to get out. Only looking at people in a certain way and not wishing to second guess or maybe just trying to second guess. Or maybe if you’re aware of second guessing then you’re really not getting anywhere are you.

Or to even second guess yourself. As if that is a thing. Or even as if you think you should. Or maybe you already have. Or maybe it would be useful to not guess and just do. But maybe you need to guess before you do since you need to know what’s going on already before you do?

Have you ever  walked down a sidewalk and not looked around like at people who are driving or walking or even just passing by somewhere and think to just not even think. Like to be able to just walk and not really think anything about it. Or feel anything about it.

S’hard.
All I know is I get extremely uncomfortable in that skin like it couldn’t be thick enough even if I thought about trying to make it so. Flutter and filter through different lenses such that I am something that is worn and protected. Why am I so afraid of people?

Perhaps Insightful Informational Packets and brochures may tell you to just keep walking, enjoy the sunshine, the grass. Oh look! How Green! How lovely!
Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn’t be actively thinking ‘Oh How Lovely Oh How Green” and just not think anything at all? Maybe all or at least most Inspirational and/or Insightful Informational Packets heavily implore you to have a frustrating double consciousness which is like “OhHowGreen” and not just nothing.

Why am I so afraid of people?

Because often I inherit their world for them before even considering my own such as
they think I’m stupid
or just annoying             overly overbearing         too much of this
stop being that.     Why won’t you just shutup?     I don’t actually really feel something for you even though it seems kind of real or relevantly so and I’m holding on to this conversation just for you. But it’s sort of ironic since I don’t exactly care?

Agh I cannot even stand here it’s too embarrassing for me. I’m gonna keel over.

 

Stop being so this way.

Literally. Seriously. Just stop.

vidbymikemytnick – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lwbx-aKglY

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